careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
