I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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