Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
