And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
