I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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