if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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