So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
