you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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