There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
