I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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