chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
