I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
