the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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