This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
