We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
