i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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