I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
