life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
