Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
