Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
