Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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