About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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