dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
