Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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