lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
