I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
