My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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