Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
