Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
