I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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