I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
