So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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