i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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