Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
