He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
