Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
