Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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