On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
