Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
