When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
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Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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