found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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