nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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