SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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