he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
