she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
