Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
