Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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