Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
