last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
