You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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