I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
