It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drunk is a universal language darling
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
